too slow

I'm not healing fast enough.

At least that seems to be the general consensus.

I think I need to put on another mask. One that's less transparent. One where people think I am magically cured ... and everything is rainbows and butterflies. I mean part of the process is to strip those masks - but every time I do, I end up with more wounds.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this is taking a long time. I'm sorry that you feel helpless. I'm sorry that I'm not goal-oriented enough. I'm sorry that I don't push myself enough. I'm sorry that I don't seem like I want to heal. I'm sorry that I even open my mouth. I'm sorry that you have to pretend that the stigma doesn't bother you, despite the fact that your actions say otherwise. I'm sorry that you don't understand, that you can't wrap your head around it, and all of the above.

You say that you understand that this didn't happen overnight. But then you tell me that it's been a year ...

A year ... to cope with 27 years of continuous shit storms.

Nour, you're so negative.

Yeah. Well, "no" is the first part of my name.