you shouldn't leave las vegas

Meda Chesney-Lind (sometimes referred to as the mother of feminist criminology) is going to speak at UNLV on the 1st.

Nour, what's the big deal?

She is pretty much the person that I wanted to be when it came to criminal justice and research. This woman took all those studies that had been done over the years and asked the simple question, "what about the girls?" She brought female delinquency to the forefront, and helped the criminal justice community understand that you can't apply the same methods to females as you can males. That female delinquency is often triggered by different things than male delinquency.

I have read countless studies, articles, etc written by her. She is quoted in every single one of my research papers - which would make sense considering they always had to do with women and crime (in some way, shape or form).

I am so beyond bummed that I'm going to miss this ... I think I'd be completely speechless if I ever had the opportunity to meet her.

=( Sad panda.

On a side note .. I miss criminal justice.

it's only monday

It doesn't feel like Monday - and I'm not quite sure if that's a good thing ...

Today, I was added to a group on Facebook ... for my high school class' 10 year reunion. Yes, it has been 10 years since I graduated from high school. I feel sick to my stomach ... not because of the 10 years ... I could care less how many years it has been since "back in the day" ... But, just thinking about high school ... and all that that entailed.

Looking over that page, I realized that these 100+ people knew me for more than just a few months or a few classes, but 4 years. It's been a long time since I've been in that sort of environment. Everywhere I've gone over the past few years has involved starting over with a new life (almost), having to meet new people and make new friends ... (mostly unsuccessful, but a "go" nonetheless).

While the moves have been somewhat successful ... Master's degree ... a job ...they have also left me relatively isolated. I don't really know what it's like to be around friends anymore. It's been over a year - with only a handful of visits back to California ... which have left little to no time to just "hang out" or "go to lunch" or "go to a coffee shop" with someone and just talk about random things. Phone calls are awful substitutes. They leave my arm numb (still losing feeling in that thing), and my ear burning.

Anyway - I don't really want to go to the reunion, but I guess we'll see how I feel when it comes around.

too slow

I'm not healing fast enough.

At least that seems to be the general consensus.

I think I need to put on another mask. One that's less transparent. One where people think I am magically cured ... and everything is rainbows and butterflies. I mean part of the process is to strip those masks - but every time I do, I end up with more wounds.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this is taking a long time. I'm sorry that you feel helpless. I'm sorry that I'm not goal-oriented enough. I'm sorry that I don't push myself enough. I'm sorry that I don't seem like I want to heal. I'm sorry that I even open my mouth. I'm sorry that you have to pretend that the stigma doesn't bother you, despite the fact that your actions say otherwise. I'm sorry that you don't understand, that you can't wrap your head around it, and all of the above.

You say that you understand that this didn't happen overnight. But then you tell me that it's been a year ...

A year ... to cope with 27 years of continuous shit storms.

Nour, you're so negative.

Yeah. Well, "no" is the first part of my name.

when it rains

Yesterday, Houston tried to make up for the drought in a single day, but the drought didn't happen overnight. We were left with flooded streets, and a tornado or two that touched down outside Katy. I made it to work and back, but it was a slow day.

Moving from the literal to the figurative, I have this great job opportunity that is being overshadowed by the fact that my current employer is all kinds of upset with me for even considering taking on this venture ... even though, it won't interfere at all with my current position.

On one hand, you'd think it a bit flattering in that they think that I would leave them so soon. So, they value me as an employee. On the other hand, this is an opportunity for growth - which happens to be in the same field I'm already working in. Marketing, for clarification. I can only get better with each experience and, in that, bring more to the table, right? I mean .. I hope ...

But ... I've been sitting here ... throwing my hands up in the air (figuratively), thinking about how I was unemployed for a full year after graduating with my masters. Actually, a full year and 5 days to be exact.

Dear Opportunity,


I think you need a calendar. This overbooking has got to stop.


Thanks.

PS It's okay though. Thank you for coming along!

l2hug

I think there should be a class on how to give hugs. Very few people can give decent hugs. For someone who doesn't really like physical contact in the first place, I welcome hugs ... and when they're crap ... well, it makes physical contact even more uncomfortable and ... painful (though, that's not quite the word I'm looking for).

I think I'd rather be hug-rejected, than accept a hug that's awful.

Yes, it really bothers me.